Fun With Lights [UNCENSORED]

Fun With Lights was not the first installment of Smoking Boyz produced by Previtus Media, but it may as well have been. It was Miles’ first attempt to step out from behind the camera where (we had agreed) he’d found himself a natural fit. We had been in operation for roughly six months whilst our brave CEO negotiated production-related tasks he’d never before considered – sometimes with the grace of a stooge, other times, with an expert’s flair that surprised everyone, including him. It didn’t hurt that from day one, we’d enlisted a skilled production crew: one cinematographer with a Master’s in film, three experienced camera ops, and, while we were at it, we even threw in a couple of models who had done work for other legitimate adult film studios. Then, we hit the ground running, naively confident in the skills and experience of our crew – at least, until the day we shot Fun With Lights.

The fuck-ups were immediate. On the day of said shoot, Denis, our cinematographer, left his post at Previtus. This was the result of Denis making the unfortunate error of introducing his boyfriend to his boss, our very own Miles Previtire, after which the boyfriend was somehow impressed AND angry. His response to Denis was simple: “you quit this or I quit you.” Now, the Miles I know would have been amused (flattered, actually) by the boyfriend’s demands that Denis pack up his hard drives and cables and get home immediately. Not today. Today was too important. Up until then he had relied upon Denis to prepare our sets and lighting. None of us had learned very much at all about these things from him. I’m talking camera setup, white-balancing, lighting placement. You know…the little things?

When the news of Denis’ departure was announced, we were all on set, waiting to hear him say “aaaand action!” What we heard instead were the distinct, agonized groans of our newly-appointed (but reluctant) Production Manager, followed closely by a rant that would have offended Mel Gibson. (Denis was Cuban.)

Boy, was he mad. He didn’t waste a minute on trying to salvage anything. He called off the shoot and sent all members of our crew away for the night, except for Denis, who I presumed was already at home filling out job applications.

The crew didn’t hesitate. Most of them dispersed like fumes. Almost as if they feared for their safety. Like if fumes could be scared..? You get it. I immediately went into survival mode. I grabbed all of our cameras and my asthma inhaler and started manipulating manual functions like I did my last boyfriend. After fifteen torturous minutes, I called Miles over and asked him to have a look at the monitors. At first he refused. “It’s no use. It’s not going to look right. Fuck porno. Fuck Vegas. Fuck fags….” blah, blah blah. I implored him to humor me. I’d been fiddling with the white balance and aperture, trying to match the look on each camera. If nothing else, I thought he might cheer up when I told him I even knew what ISO was now. Anyway, he finally had a look and, would you believe, I nailed it? Well, I did. Then: “Wow. Call everyone back. We never needed that dicksucker Denis. I want a refund on his salary. Glad you’re here, Austin.” THAT’S what passes for praise at Previtus Media on a night like that. Or on most nights, even.

But it wasn’t that easy. Most of the relieved crew were halfway to Circus Circus heading away from Previtus Studios and its madman CEO for the night, except for the brave, earnest souls who actually loved our boss and couldn’t bear to leave him in his despair. There were four total:

One: Sebastian Wilde – Miles’ little protege and (get this) his cameraman in training.

Two: Kyle Penrod – Miles had given him a job as his “housekeeper” to fill his “idle time” when he wasn’t “acting” and/or partying.

Three: Lucas Osher – Miles’ co-star in the film.

Four: Yours truly, which isn’t fair credit. I lived with him.

As a crew of five, we proceeded to “suck it up and drive on” as they say in the Army. The resulting shoot turned out beautifully, in my biased opinion. Kyle’s first attempt at filming was a certified success. Such a success that we didn’t even feel the absence of the fourth camera that Miles forgot to hit Record on. (You’ll notice it on a tripod next to the Smoking Boyz couch without the little red light.) The real show in this porn is in the version with commentary – which we’re not releasing at this time. In it you would hear our Director and (this time, also our) lead performer rattle off directives at his crew while rolling pipes and fucking mouth-hole and spouting politically incorrect slang like it was in-style and the whole nine inches. Instead, you’ll have to settle for this version – replete with some of the hottest face-fucking and verbal pnp action ever recorded by anyone – ever. Okay, okay! So it’s the only face-fucking and verbal pnp action ever recorded by anyone ever. Either way, the footage is golden or, as they say in the drug world, “good shit.”

So with that, Smokers, have “Fun With Lights”.

Producer / Austin Silver

Previtus Media, LLC

Note: To circumvent any charge of subversion or any mischaracterization of our work, Previtus Media elects to refrain from providing trailer footage of the films featured on this site.